Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

A few weeks ago, I had a God-intervention. Some friends had gathered around me to pray for healing for my hurt foot, and it ended up being prayer for something else entirely, as led by the Holy Spirit. God revealed some yucky stuff that I had been holding on to- resentment and bitterness towards God, along with unfulfilled desires that had festered and become something dark and binding in my spirit. The root of it was my fear of not being provided for financially and the fact that I so desperately was longing for my husband to have a job and be able to provide for our family. It was extremely humbling to have all my dirty laundry aired in front of my friends. It was also painful to expose the wound , repent of the sin and to GET REAL. After it was all over, I felt chastised, cleaned up and peaceful. I also felt like I had received a major spiritual spanking. It was necessary and I was glad it was done, but whew, I was also so glad when it was over!

Upon reflection with my husband Tov, he reminded me of what shepherds do with a lamb that consistently wanders. They will break the lamb's leg and then carry the lamb everywhere they go. The end result is that the lamb becomes completely bonded to the shepherd and once healed, will go everywhere the shepherd goes and not even dream of wandering away ever again. Tov commented that he felt my God-intervention was a form of leg-breaking from the Lord. Ouch! He was right on the mark, I believe. It started a new chapter in my life.

I am choosing to move forward, leaving behind bitterness towards God. Wanting my hubby to have a job is not sinful, but it had become an idol for me. I was worshiping that idea and seeking it with my whole heart, instead of seeking God. Yikes! It sure isn't easy, but I am daily seeking to trust my Daddy in Heaven with our finances and our future. Feels kind of like stepping off of a cliff. Or maybe like letting a Shepherd carry me wherever He wants, instead of choosing my own path. Hmmm....

Psalm 73:23-24

New International Version (NIV)

23 Yet I am always with you; (whether I want to be or not!)
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.


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2 comments:

  1. UnknownNovember 16, 2011 at 2:47 PM

    i admire your honesty and bravery -- dropping your defenses and being honest with yourself and God is not easy. I'm praying for you and your family, sweet friend.

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  2. JulieNovember 16, 2011 at 7:49 PM

    All you have is you "real." Some of the world will judge you positively, some negatively. How do you judge yourself? When you open up to the truth of who you are and how you fail yourself, others, God, will you have compassion? I pray so. Otherwise, your truth will not set you free.

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