November 10, 2011

This scripture has been surfacing for me again and again over the years of following Him. It means something a little different to me each time God brings it back to my awareness.

Psalm 131 (NIV)
My heart is not proud, LORD,my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.
But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.
Israel, put your hope in the LORD both now and forevermore.

I realized that for years I have been chasing after distractions (food, computer games, silly books, TV, etc) in order to take my mind of my anger/fear/problems with life and God. Lose It For Life opened my eyes to see this for the first time. Since I've been home, I've had plenty of time to go back to distracting ways, but God has been helping me to not go down that road, but to be content with sitting and thinking. I didn't realize how much I missed contemplation and reflection. It feels so good to do it again, and I feel less angry at God just taking the time to be quiet and listen to storms raging in my brain so I can sort through the mess and connect with my Daddy in Heaven in a genuine way. I am saying, "Ahhhhh...." Such relief, such peace in relaxing in our Daddy's arms.

Here's the thing- a breast-feeding baby sometimes has trouble being content when in its mommy's arms. It is always seeking nourishment or pacification from Mommy. It can't enjoy just being in Mommy's arms because there is a drive to get ones' needs met. The weaned child is able to just sit on Mommy's lap, completely fulfilled, enjoying Mommy's presence and love. I feel like God is having me do that with Him now. I can't do much since I am feeling pain and weakness. All I can really do is seek distraction or sit on my Daddy's lap and enjoy His presence. He's helping me to be content and enjoy Him right now, this minute, and it is a beautiful thing.