I have this one precious friend who has been a major source of encouragement to me. Let’s call her Deb. Deb has been there to turn my eyes to the Lord during difficult times. She is one of those people I know I could call any time day or night to ask for prayer. She is unbelievably kind and generous. I’ve known her about five years or so. I appreciate her friendship greatly. There is a problem, though. She is not always real with me.
A few years ago, we were both going through an incredibly difficult time. Both of us had specific people in our lives who were creating stress for us. I would have some good days, but many bad days. On a bad day, I was filled with despair and depression. I sometimes had suicidal thoughts (not a plan, just a thought). I was angry with God and this person and utterly frustrated. I remember going to Deb’s house and asking her how she got through it. She had nothing negative to say. Only pure joy and delight in God, total confidence that all was going according to His plan. She said she couldn’t get through without her daily time with God. That was what kept her afloat.
Here’s the thing. I left her house feeling like a total failure because I wasn’t as chipper as she was. I had two children under the age of three. I didn’t have time/quiet/space/energy to have quality time with God. I could not believe she never felt discouraged or sad. I thought it meant I was a big, huge failure at being a good daughter of God. I was happy for her, but devastated for me.
Fast forward to a couple months ago. Deb heard that I had injured my foot at work and wanted to come pray for me and let our kids play together. We had a wonderful time together. The best part? She made an admission to me. She told me that when she had gone through that stressful situation years earlier, she was absolutely furious with that person. She had major anger and could not communicate with that person at all in a healthy way. Huh? Say what? This was going on under the surface when we had our super happy get-togethers years earlier? Why didn’t she let on?
Even though I’m not in that same place of despair today, I still felt a huge relief and release in knowing that she had not truly been as perfectly happy as she appeared to be. Later, upon reflection, I thought about how sad it was that she had not been totally honest with me when she was going through the tough times. How much more refreshing and healing and encouraging it would have been if we had been real with each other!!!! Instead of leaving feeling defeated, I could have left having shared my burden with someone who understood how I felt, who was going through the same thing.
This reflection motivates me. It motivates me to call my friends on it when they are being plastic. I don’t want fake relationships. I don’t want spiritual cosmetics! It also motivates me to be real and transparent with others when it is appropriate. Healing, growth and genuine friendship can not happen if we are being fake with each other. Let’s get real!
Proverbs 27:6
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
A few years ago, we were both going through an incredibly difficult time. Both of us had specific people in our lives who were creating stress for us. I would have some good days, but many bad days. On a bad day, I was filled with despair and depression. I sometimes had suicidal thoughts (not a plan, just a thought). I was angry with God and this person and utterly frustrated. I remember going to Deb’s house and asking her how she got through it. She had nothing negative to say. Only pure joy and delight in God, total confidence that all was going according to His plan. She said she couldn’t get through without her daily time with God. That was what kept her afloat.
Here’s the thing. I left her house feeling like a total failure because I wasn’t as chipper as she was. I had two children under the age of three. I didn’t have time/quiet/space/energy to have quality time with God. I could not believe she never felt discouraged or sad. I thought it meant I was a big, huge failure at being a good daughter of God. I was happy for her, but devastated for me.
Fast forward to a couple months ago. Deb heard that I had injured my foot at work and wanted to come pray for me and let our kids play together. We had a wonderful time together. The best part? She made an admission to me. She told me that when she had gone through that stressful situation years earlier, she was absolutely furious with that person. She had major anger and could not communicate with that person at all in a healthy way. Huh? Say what? This was going on under the surface when we had our super happy get-togethers years earlier? Why didn’t she let on?
Even though I’m not in that same place of despair today, I still felt a huge relief and release in knowing that she had not truly been as perfectly happy as she appeared to be. Later, upon reflection, I thought about how sad it was that she had not been totally honest with me when she was going through the tough times. How much more refreshing and healing and encouraging it would have been if we had been real with each other!!!! Instead of leaving feeling defeated, I could have left having shared my burden with someone who understood how I felt, who was going through the same thing.
This reflection motivates me. It motivates me to call my friends on it when they are being plastic. I don’t want fake relationships. I don’t want spiritual cosmetics! It also motivates me to be real and transparent with others when it is appropriate. Healing, growth and genuine friendship can not happen if we are being fake with each other. Let’s get real!
Proverbs 27:6
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
You´re pretty amazing sister girl. I love you so much! This is an awesome avenue to express your thoughts. Keep ´em coming!
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